Jessie
@mommajessiec
*awkward silence* Mom to four, wife to one. Like I am to most things, I came here late too.
ID:951133063165116418
https://twitter.com/search?q=from%3Amommajessiec%20exclude%3Areplies&s=09 10-01-2018 16:46:08
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Simon Holland
@simoncholland
My wife bought low sodium bacon and now I know what it means when someone says they love you but aren’t IN LOVE with you.Dadman Walking
@dadmann_walking
introvert. Husband. Dad of 3. bourbon fund: Venmo- Shane83 My links! https://t.co/X1R5q5AVST seen in @Buzzfeed @Menshumor @HuffPostParents @cheezburRodney Lacroix
@RodLacroix
Disappointing people since 1968. | EVERYTHING: https://t.co/JN2RmmKWfK | Latest Tweets: https://t.co/BuhDfbbFkq | Top Tweets: https://t.co/3B9KMSYvlvLady Lawya
@Parkerlawyer
divorce lawyer | mom to a bazillion kids | https://t.co/0FDtG6xK4t | please send all dms to @funderlaw | https://t.co/t7dCbYmwguAdam
@adamgreattweet
Resident physician as seen on Buzzfeed and TV, RTd by Barack Obama. He/HimHenpecked Hal
@HenpeckedHal
Welcome to parenthood. Yes, it's possible to have the worst day of your life before 6:00 AM. https://t.co/jv3VQ5CW4OThat Mom Tho
@mom_tho
contributor @scarymommy @romper [email protected] Tweets: https://t.co/5zWeBtUUx6Real Life Mommy
@reallifemommy3
Twitter is cheaper than therapy. Tweets are mine 👀@huffpost @TODAY_Parents @buzzfeed @babycenter @chicagotribune @boredpanda @thepoke @thechive ...Lil Bit 🌈
@LizerReal
Wife of a guy. Mother to spawns. Sugar glider in my bra. Parenting cautionary tale. (she/her)Midge
@mxmclain
Relentless architect of my own hell, curator of seasonal profanities, cultural symbolUncle Duke
@UncleDuke1969
Does this look infected?sixfootcandy
@sixfootcandy
Loves animals more than most people. https://t.co/bTlLzDrFl4Sarcastic Mommy
@sarcasticmommy4
I put my symptoms into WebMD & it turns out I just have kids. https://t.co/m6TcvYNqfmI Hide From My Kids
@IHideFromMyKids
freelance writer | content creator | someone once told me I was funny, for a mom | featured on BuzzFeed, Today Parents, HuffPost & more | Read my tweets👇NicholasG
@Dad_At_Law
Father of girls, Husband of wife, Coach of kids. Protagonist for the People in court, yet to win an argument at home. *ᵗʷᵉᵉᵗˢ ᵃʳᵉ ⁿᵒᵗ ˡᵉᵍᵃˡ ᵒᵖⁱⁿⁱᵒⁿˢ*@itssherifield
@itssherifield
Musician mama of 3 treading water and taking names Formerly @Lmemeit IG and TikTok: @itssherifield https://t.co/PEkz5e5DfKMarcy G
@BunAndLeggings
parenthood is like a box of chocolates... it's expensiveKevin The Dad
@kevinthedad
Husband. Dad. Co-creator of 2 cool kids. I write fun stories about the shenanigans I experience as a parent!mom mom mom mom mom
@notmythirdrodeo
https://t.co/lKTwNPcAGY @momsoverhere on IG. Mommin’ the best I can with low standards. Featured in @HuffPost, @Buzzfeed, @Today_Parents and more.your other mom
@difficultpatty
Bad at hydrangeas. Ibuprofen enthusiast. We write jokes here. https://t.co/sVPCoTC4PwAndi
@smiles_and_nods
Andi 2.0 Lost everyone during my Twitter sabbatical. please follow again.Bubba Throckmorton IV
@BubsterT4
Just trying to figure it all out. Term Limits FFS. https://t.co/bCIqSAoKy3Kat. 🇨🇦
@katsafrenacus
https://t.co/Vnr5Hf87d0Purple Lori
@purplelorisays
Oh that’s nice.MommyDearest
@MommyDearest855
Don't you judge meLorazeKim ™ 🏴☠️🇺🇸🇮🇹🏁
@_KimberleyAnna
Villainous, cantankerous. They call me NightHawk. I’m everywhere. I’m nowhere. If I don’t text back it’s ‘cause I’m helping Batman, baby #FuckCancerDisheveled Mom
@wittysnuggles
Not my real name. 40s toddler mom. Unapologetically blunt relationship therapist. Featured on @MSNBC @CNN @FoxNews @SternShow @NYPost🌷 𝕥𝕚𝕥𝕤 𝕞𝕔𝕘𝕣𝕒𝕨 🌷
@good_vibes_girl
🐈 spread sheet queen 📈 🚫raw dogging (oreos) 🦖reptar for life🫶🏻 “the dick a girl could get over”Deb 🌻 🟧
@DontCallMeDebby
Vote Blue! 💙 Lover of Nature, Twizzlers. No DMs #100DaysOfWalking #OnMyWalk #ThankYouTGLori
@loribuckmajor
Loving wife & mom, fun friend. LOVE to laugh. Oh I'm a model and an actress, isn't everyone? sometimes I lie. Why am I always hungry?Мaмalιcιoυѕ✨
@MamaNeedsXanax
ѕaѕѕy wιғey+мaмa. overcaғғeιnaтed. υnderмedιcaтed. awĸward+anхιoυѕ. an ιnapproprιaтe, ѕιlly lιттle weιrdo. nѕғw. *МaмaNeedѕХanaхAndWιne on ιnѕтa*✨Nσ Oɳҽ Hҽɾҽ Gҽƚʂ Oυƚ Aʅιʋҽ✨
@Mrs_L_Olivier
Full-time Feminist…Part-time Comedy Habitué…Podcast Junkie…Gen X…Wokey Lefty Liberal…Atheist…Pro-Choice +…Specialist RN…Fan of ellipses…TORIES OUT 🤡➡️ #NHS✨Crash Unhinged💫
@Crashonomics
Twitter's Most Overlooked Sweetheart. Lover of music, pretty eyes, thick thighs and pumpkinsBird Eckler
@Birdeckler
Morsels of joy, mixed with sprinkles of outrage. Results may vary.Mr. Darcy
@_glizzyborden_
the good witch of the northHuge Jacknuts
@BreadedMark
Navy Vet. I bowled a 178 once. The quickest way to my heart is Frito Chili Pie… All tips go to veteran causes, meals and events. I’m @OldPizzaHuts too. Vet Rep.notacop
@MatchaSmith
I probably banged your dad. My last twitter was better. https://t.co/aCwaMPIN3t𝐇𝐮𝐧𝐧𝐲 🍯
@hailtotheHunny
a collection of subpar tweets & low quality selfies. https://t.co/8pliRvMcqhschadenfreude74
@schadenfreude74
back here again, yeah yeah, I KNOW 🥍 ⚖️Stipe
@stipepal
I’ve traveled to all 9 countries. Ruff Ryder 4 lyfe.🌌kristina 🌌
@inurnightdress
Alex Turner's favorite mistress/Samuel L Jackson of moms/B's snotty little muse https://t.co/FXGDC5Fus0🩷 𝒮𝒽𝑜𝓇𝓉𝓈𝓉𝒶𝒸𝓀𝑒𝒹 𝑀𝑜𝓂𝓂𝒶 🩷
@shortstacktm
Who are the people in your neighborhood? Really, like who are those weirdos 🧐Hawkeye
@Hawkeye0110
You people are all nuts...Coal Slag
@coalslag
...what part of “Flyin’ Monkey,” you no understand...?Stout_humor
@HumorStout
Unfunny comedian 👎 | #2 Dad 🏆| Pre-Kids Traveler 🛩 | Textbook definition Wisenheimer 😏 | Future PowerBall Winner 💰| Profile pic 😎 than Real me 🤓Tori Fletcher
@hellotorifletch
Honestly, if it were “raining men” Hallelujah wouldn’t be the word that came to mind | Part Antagonist, Part Protagonist | Usually Making Fun of my Husband🪬 NotjustanotherJohn 🪬
@bacontacooo
Be someone's light.a 🩵 ✊🏽/ 🔗 https://t.co/N7pf3rs4Ya #HTTCGross Ray
@theheywhoha
Bankrupt 1930s glove tycoon. She/Her https://t.co/DIXA6HFjdaPseudo Cyd
@Cyd10e
In search of logic, wit and amusement wherever it can be found... In other words, just killing time.Bryan With a Why
@doublewenis
Stuck between wanting to be a better person and not really knowing how to steal someone’s identity.Kat
@ollkorrect0
awkward humanLindy Vogel
@TheLindyVogel
Failed model. Mom of 6. Words: @PregnantChicken @MontereyBayParent @businessinsider EiC Sweary Mommy on @Medium.Jonathan Edward Durham
@thisone0verhere
Writer of Speculative Literary Fiction • Generalized Anxiety Wunderkind • Already Sorry • Sneaker Addict •🐰👀🌾 Author of “Winterset Hollow” 🌾👀🐰•Meg
@megannn_lynne
writer & mitski enthusiast / also @successtextpostTiff Smalls
@tiffofthenorth
foodie | wifed ⬆️ | mom to teens | funsies account | Tweets *may* be jokes and *probably* not about you 😄 Backup: @TiffOfTheSouthDan Wilbur
@DanWilbur
My 3rd grade teacher told me I had a 'great way of ruining things for people.' Now I do comedy. My debut album is available now: https://t.co/aA3kYgFcBRShreya
@Shreya_teee
Be your own sunshine.. Globetrotter || Reader || Nature lover || 🏳️🌈🌈Jennifer Parker
@Mrs_JParker
Making two tiny humans laugh one fart joke at a time.Southern Goddess (Dolly Divine)
@Dramafest420
#Findom Queen #FEMDOM #domme #paypigs Southern Beauty ❤️ Come worship me & serve my needs. I can only respond to DMs after tribute, my phone won't allow me.𝑴𝒐 𝑴𝒐𝒉𝒍𝒆𝒓
@MoMohler
Rated 100% pure, grade A, American “little beef boy” by JD Power And Associates.superastrofemme
@superastrofemme
cranky on the outside, soft and chewy on the insidejlestos
@jlestos
decidedly NOT better than Ezra. or kale chips, for that matter. https://t.co/H0TXd97wwQ) !Bacon, Lettuce & Potato
@DominicCaruso1
I was a snowball in hell. [he/him] I'm now a problem you can throw money at: https://t.co/wV6uDObiYOerica
@ericanextdooor
making parlays & petting strays • 𝐣𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐜𝐞 𝐟𝐚𝐧𝐩𝐚𝐠𝐞Mish 🎗️
@Mish_K_
Cape Town. Former makeup artist. Sarcastic. Don’t have an inside voice. Dad jokes. Proud Zionist. עם ישראל חי. Wannabe travel blogger. 🇿🇦🇮🇱🇬🇷𝕁.
@jtothet
👑 of Dad Jokes. Talk nerdy to me. Punnier than most. Old soul✖️DMs🇺🇦Gnome de Guerre, RN🇺🇦
@Gnome_DeGuerre
I enjoy overthinking and worrying about things over which I have no control. Neil Gaiman retweeted me. Formerly @ryno_san. RN. #Sober φιλόμαστος now on b skytoddallmyt
@OH_GAWD_OF_FUNK
I don't follow people. I set traps for them and wait. Top Tweets - https://t.co/GMQAZMfoy3ɴᴏ ᴄᴜᴛs ɴᴏ ʙᴜᴛs ɴᴏ ᴄᴏᴄᴏɴᴜᴛs
@damn_elle
'𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘵𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘸𝘢𝘵𝘤𝘩 𝘮𝘺 𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘶𝘢𝘨𝘦, 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵' - 𝘛𝘶𝘱𝘢𝘤 𝘚𝘩𝘢𝘬𝘶𝘳 💛🌼 #fuckcancerAmy
@AmysGotBirds
Thank you for the gift of your advice. By any chance, did you keep the receipt?