Sarcastic Mommy(@sarcasticmommy4) 's Twitter Profileg
Sarcastic Mommy

@sarcasticmommy4

I put my symptoms into WebMD & it turns out I just have kids. https://t.co/m6TcvYNqfm

ID:2349042853

linkhttps://twitter.com/search?q=from%3Asarcasticmommy4%20exclude%3Areplies calendar_today17-02-2014 20:34:14

49,3K Tweets

116,5K Followers

6,3K Following

Sarcastic Mommy(@sarcasticmommy4) 's Twitter Profile Photo

If you’re not wrapping a present & signing a card in the car, are you really on your way to a birthday party you’ve known about for 6 weeks?

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Dadman Walking(@dadmann_walking) 's Twitter Profile Photo

welcome to your 40s; it now takes 2 hours after you wake up for your face to look like your face. and even then it's questionable.

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Katie D(@KatieDeal99) 's Twitter Profile Photo

I don’t believe in lying to children... unless it’s about where the good snacks are hidden. Then it’s fine.

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Dad Named Matt 🇺🇸(@mahnamematt) 's Twitter Profile Photo

True love is me texting my wife that I need a roll of toilet paper and her making me wait a ridiculous amount of time before she brings it.

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Darla(@ddsmidt) 's Twitter Profile Photo

I hate it when someone tells me they’re laughing their ass off at one of my jokes, then I see them later and they still have their ass.

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Dan Regan(@DanRegan_Comedy) 's Twitter Profile Photo

My wife texted me to pick her up something called hair nourishing elixir, so I'll be home sometime in the next 3 days.

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Sarcastic Mommy(@sarcasticmommy4) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Came home to find my husband folding laundry & making dinner.

I’m not asking questions. I’m just living in the moment.

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Sarcastic Mommy(@sarcasticmommy4) 's Twitter Profile Photo

My son can configure this whole elaborate video gaming set up in his room but needs help to make toast.

Seems legit.

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Sarcastic Mommy(@sarcasticmommy4) 's Twitter Profile Photo

My teen thinks he’s getting back at me by giving me the silent treatment.

Little does he know, I love this game.

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Sarcastic Mommy(@sarcasticmommy4) 's Twitter Profile Photo

I don’t know who needs to hear this but don’t ever answer your phone on the way home.

They want you to stop at the store.

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LorazeKim™️(@_KimberleyAnna) 's Twitter Profile Photo

If I’m ever murdered and in a Dateline special don’t tell them that I loved everybody and lit up the room because no the fuck I don’t

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