Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal )

Henpecked Hal

Bio Welcome to parenthood. Yes, it's possible to have the worst day of your life before 6:00 AM.

https://t.co/jv3VQ5CW4O
Location Picking up toys
Tweets 34,3K
Followers 91,8K
Following 2,0K
Account created 25-08-2015 01:06:17
ID 3332077285

Twitter for iPhone : My 12yo said he would be nice to me today for my birthday and he’s actually kept his word and he even said I love you back which he hasn’t done in forever but then my 5yo peed all over me and the front door as we were walking in from school so I guess you win some you lose some.

Twitter Web App : My toddler was 10' away when I asked him to hurry over so we could get dressed and leave. He said, 'YOU GOT IT, DAD!' then he ran to the other side of the house, grabbed his 'super fast' scooter, and shuffled back to me over the next two minutes. Kid brains, man.

Twitter for iPhone : Before having kids, I honestly thought once they started using the toilet regularly it meant toilet training was done. I’m here to tell you I was wrong. Like really, really wrong. The wrongest I’ve ever been. Don’t be like me. Adjust your expectations.

Twitter Web Client : Expressions that took on a more literal meaning after having kids:

- let the cat out of the bag
- that's the last straw
- I see the writing on the wall
- let your sister off the hook
- don't bury your head in the sand

Parents, share some of yours in the replies!

Twitter for iPhone : It’s sweet that my kids think I’m all powerful and all that but it would be even sweeter if they didn’t blame me for shit like the wifi crapping out, the avocado not being ripe enough, or rain.

Twitter Web App : Sure, moms are the superior parent, but how did they get so good at helping people find things that are right in front of them? Who honed their ability to tackle huge projects at the last minute? Who built up their tolerance to dirty clothes tossed on the floor? Dads, that's who.