Winner. Sponge is retired. Bang up fucking whatever.

Sorry I haven’t followed you back. I have no idea what the fuck is going on.

Thank you for being so nice. You’re not from around here are you?

everyone who uses social media has some sort of mental illness

Of course I’m whimsical as fuck.

Was there anything more beautiful than an industrial park perched on its hind quarter earnings to retain memories of a nice, soft and natural biological characteristic at the stars. We used to sneak down there with a seedy magazine and a stack of meadows.

I successfully shuffled a junebug out of the house. He looked over his shoulder from the porch and gave a slight nod. I nodded back and shut the door.

People out there saying time like, it’s a quarter past ten instead of just saying 10:25.

It might be fun to make you smile idk

*pops a melatonin* back in MY day- *falls asleep*

More glitter, bitch.

Don't even talk to me until i've had my electroshock

The only reason I'm on the internet now is for advice from 16 year olds and people who've had their brains spongified by drugs and alcohol

I haven't been hip since 1987... Even then it was sketchy.

Good Morning
Commentary
Of The
Crumbling
W W W

I keep trying to get a family picture but I can't get all my chins to fit in the frame

It's a good sign that you're getting old when any loud noise irritates you.

Little bit emotional. Hoping nunchucks will save me.

I feel like y'all only like my tweets cuz you wanna see me naked

Interviewer: How would you describe yourself?

Me: Whimsically depressed...