*looks at watch*
Damn I forgot to die young and beautifully.

Are you guys still watching the eclipse

Whoever decided not to name it Dune 2: Dune it Again really missed an opportunity

Tried to play golf today but the damn trees kept getting in my way

Half a dozen honey glazed donuts would fix me

I have never seen a single “when animals attack” video that I wasn’t rooting for the animal.

she’s so pretty

Don’t worry about me spilling the tea. Spilling the coffee, however, is a given especially when wearing a new top.

'People you may know' but will hide from in the grocery store.

I asked my daughter what happened at her dollhouse and she just said “there was an accident”

FED UP WITH DANDELION ERASURE

I'm not sure what's funnier, the horse's dramatic 'play dead' routine, or the fact that it answers to the name Steven! 🤣

Come with me if you want to live

In 1998 I *begged* my mom to buy me JNCO jeans.

She agreed, but only on the condition we do a photoshoot to prove to my future self how stupid I looked.

Look who's laughing now, mom.

I get it cicadas I’m ready to scream for six weeks too

I really miss going to the movies but these pharmaceutical ads are just so compelling

I rely on future me a little more than I should.

If I feel like you aren’t respecting them enough I will step in, apologize on your behalf, and take control of the situation

You will not embarrass me

I’m so glad to see the bot problem was taken care and they aren’t in any way worse