The algorithm has reached the point where Instagram only suggests taco or taco adjacent posts for me

One day you're young and fun, the next you're excited about the new laundry hamper setup

me: *starts the washer*

also me: what's that noise

Me, mom of a college freshman:
“I can’t believe my baby is so grown up!”

*phone rings*

CF: “Mom, can you cut a Tide pod and only use half?”

My new washer sends me notifications on the laundry’s status. I can’t even get a text back from my kids.

Tom Cruise's full name is Tomahawk CruiseControl

Zoogoers outraged to discover 'panda' exhibit was actually dogs dyed black and white nypost.com/2024/05/06/lif…

Et tu, Health app?

* deletes passive aggressive notification about recent activity trends *

Accidentally Sharon Stone’d a Dairy Queen parking lot full of young kids, if you are wondering how my afternoon is going.

Nothing prepares you as a parent about becoming your own parents.

Asking stupid questions doesn’t make you stupid. It just points out to others that you are stupid.

When the kids move out of the house I'm going to start saying that I'm losing my heir

Saturday: May the Fourth be with you
Monday: Calling in Sith

Already looking forward to going back to sleep tonight

I saw the first sign of spring today - a big guy wearing shorts

SCREAMING 😂😂😂

Every Gen Xer has a childhood war story about getting stabbed with a pencil and the tip broke off