To appreciate your own life, view it with someone else’s eyes.

I got watermelon deodorant today and I've never intentionally smelled my armpits this much.

One of the coolest things about being an adult is you can order a pizza anytime you want, no one will ever tell you no.

Out of respect for Earth Day you should pee in your neighbors grass.

It’s all about saving water.

I bet you’re pretty when you smile…oops no that didn’t help

I’m no quitter

I make sure I stick around long enough to be able to call it a regret

Let's just agree to agree that you're full of shit

Who called them mountain oysters instead of nut nuggets?

Well if you’re going to lose your shit be sure to lose it in a place where no one can step in it.

If I really wanted to feel that kind of pain Id just remove the seat from my bicycle

People with business cards can't wait to give you their business card

You know that they are your good friends when you are actually unhappy about plans getting cancelled.

I angrily screamed “oh you want some” at another driver, but I have no idea what I’m talking about.

Studies show moms are much happier when children listen the first time around.

Some days, I eat a salad for lunch. And others, I have bacon cheddar dip with crackers followed by some candy. It's called balance.

Frozen, but it's just me dreaming about summer as I sit cold and shivering at my son's early morning soccer game.

I don't have a single gray hair yet. I'm not bragging, I'm shocked considering all the antics my husband and kids regularly put me through.

If there was anything my dad taught me it was to quit my bellyaching. Never ever bellyache.

They say NEVER plant wisteria because it’s such a rapid grower. They don’t even take into consideration that’s exactly what some people are looking for.

I’m in love with the skateboard girl in the “Free Fallin” video years old. And I know I’m not alone.