If you’re gonna bring back King Kong again, make him fight John Wick or don’t waste my time

It’s a “fry your eggs in heavy cream drizzled with chili crisp oil” kinda Friday…

Still looking for one-piece bathing suits for tall people. Like really. Or maybe rompers and/or jumpsuits, too? I’m soooooo greedy!

😍

When the caffeine wears off but you still have a job to do

FOMO isn’t pleasant, but FOSHOMO is even worse. That’s when you know for sure you’re missing out and there’s nothing you can do about it 😂😭

I just bought a 188-pack of Band-aids at Costco, and all I’m saying is that somebody better hurt themselves.

Money does not buy happiness, but it does buy a lot of records, so there's that.

I know her! I know her! ♥️

My favorite orchid is blooming!!!! 😍

When did we all decide that women don’t want the second half of the shirt anymore? Did I miss that meeting??

If you think things are whackadoodle now, read about the festival of Lupercalia, likely where Valentine’s Day originated (pre-church times). To promote fertility, men would get naked, kill a goat & a dog, then boys would whip young women with strips of the animals’ hides. WHAT

It’s fitting that the only good news in 2024 came from an oversized rat

What offends you? I was there for a whole video about breakfast pocket sandwich thingies, w/ eggs, brown sugared bacon, cheese, and avacado, but then that not so nice person added syrup all over that beautiful creation she just made. I screamed and changed the channel. OFFENDED.

66 days until the clocks spring forward but who’s counting?
Me, I am. I think Siri’s getting annoyed.

Currently in the 'should I give myself bangs?' portion of the post-holiday spiral

I’m not a trophy.
I’m one of those plastic bouncy balls with a bite taken out of it you get from a vending machine.

I’ve become obsessed with propogating my plants lately. I guess my internal clock is confused about the type of babies.

Sometimes you’ve gotta come home from work, put on your pajamas, make a simple soup, and be a blob on the couch. It’s ok.

There was a post asking “Would you slap your mom for one million dollars?” A lot of people said “No, because she would get mad.” I think my mom would get mad if I didn’t slap her for one million dollars.