no one:

my 6yo, gripping plastic knives between his toes: look I'm a velociraptor

• DOG TWEET CALL •

Send us UP TO 3 tweets MAX about DOGS!

Likes, Retweets, etc.

Winners will be 🏆’d later.

Ends at 6PM EST. ✨

Judges and tweets below:
La Femme Fatali
Kiss my Fat Ash🍑
nice things I say to myself
.:RiotGrlErin:.

“Let’s put the pies on, let’s, let’s, let’s, let’s, let’s” just sung to the tune of “Who let the dogs out..”

My parents used to yell at me for forgetting cups in my room. Now I yell at my daughter for forgetting cups in her room. The cycle is complete.

I wasted my midlife crisis on a sweater vest.

When I tell my kids I’ll do something in a minute, what I’m really saying is, “Please forget.”

One of the greatest joys in my sister's life must've been gifting me all the obnoxious, loud toys I'd bought for my nephew when he was a baby and toddler after I had my first child.

My kids say they're sick of pizza Fridays, and frankly, I'm starting to question if they're really mine or there was a mixup at the hospital.

Imagine having a place for everything in your house.

i try not to let the fact that my dog has more instagram followers than me affect our relationship.

I’m at the age where instead of putting individual candles on my cake, it’s just easier to light the whole thing on fire.

Seriously though why aren’t there reclosable bags in cereal boxes?

My parents have a new tv and I cannot figure out how to use it. I’ve become them.

I mowed yesterday so now I'm sitting on my patio watching each and every rival dad around me come out to mow.

today I saw the greatest loo of all time

This morning I watched my husband do his hair in the time it took me to put in a single contact lens in case you’re wondering what gender disparity is bothering me today.

My husband sometimes complains a lot about something that affects him in absolutely no way whatsoever.

Me opening up to someone.

Why women live longer.