“We need to talk later.”

Nope. Let’s talk now. I overthink.

I’ve officially reached the age where I only have about one day of socializing in me per month.

Seriously though why aren’t there reclosable bags in cereal boxes?

Dear people who can fall asleep the second your head hits the pillow. How??? Also I hate you a little bit.

My body is like an old phone battery that never fully charges.

I’m still going through my awkward phase.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but I should not be able to feel you breathing on me if we’re standing in a line. Please back up.

If your birth year starts with a 19 it’s time to take some ibuprofen for your lower back pain.

I wish it were socially acceptable to walk away mid-conversation if it’s boring.

Do you ever restart the dryer when you don’t want to fold the clothes yet?

Guess who finally has their whole life figured out?! Not me, but congrats to whoever you are.

Dear online companies,
I don’t need an email telling me I unsubscribed from your emails.

This can’t be the same body that used to stay up all night.

Hey sorry for snapping at you earlier. I got overwhelmed because the lights at the store were too bright and there were people everywhere.

Air mattresses are great for when you want to wake up in the morning on the floor.

Me every time I leave the house: “Why are there so many people out here?”

Don’t you hate it when you “accidentally” eat an entire family sized bag of chips?

I’ve never had an email find me well.

Welcome to your 30’s. Make sure you keep some ibuprofen near by.

If you ever want to know what it’s like being in a relationship just picture someone always standing in front of the drawer you need to get into.