There’s a fine line between optimistic & delusional

It takes only 21 seconds for mammals to pee.

Let it hurt then let it go

Opened up a new roll of toilet tissue, and what do you know: classified documents inside.

If you see him.... ..... .....

You can start a fire in your kitchen sink or you can fall in love. The risks are about the same

Quick question for the hookers on here, are y’all all still mad at me?

It’s ok if the neighbors wake up smelling smoke. I’m just burning my house down, not theirs.

If someone is hurting, reach out to them. Sometimes all that they need is to know that someone is listening. That someone cares.

Sometimes you just need to slap their ass, pull their panties down, bend them over, and fuck their horrible day out of them…

It’s official. I’m gonna buy a girdle.

My mind is my absolute worst enemy

Yeah, sorry, I just don’t wanna feel anything

My daughter’s birthday is tomorrow. If you were to pack a “survival kit” for a 30 year old, mother of three, what would you put in it?

Hey, anybody got any Clear Eyes?