My cats are slowly getting used to the new house. New things can be scary! I hope they both feel calmer soon. ♥️

My mother's fake knee set off the hospital's metal detector this morning. The guard asked if she had any weapons on her, and for reasons unknown to man, she went 🎶you'll find out🎶

probably the most depressed I’ve ever been in my life except for a bunch of other times

I need an app that tells me if it’s currently safe to eat romaine or not.

I need to buy myself a pair of hip waders if I'm going to continue to live in the muck of this corrupt society

Twitter is distracting? True, but so literally everything else we enjoy.

Fridays, good. Fridays with Dunkin, even better!

(Traffic court) Me: Pizza, your honor. Judge: For the final time it’s a speeding ticket , you don’t get a last meal.

🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻

I always thought this song wasn't given enough credit and one iI love singing. on this day in 1974 John Denver "Sunshine On My Shoulders" went to No.1 on the US singles chart and John's first of four US No.1's #johndenver

44 in July 🥴🥴

Sure. Fine. Whatever.

#DadJokes have nothing on #GranJokes

As I opened the curtains and windows, I was greeted by bird chatter, the sight of green grass and blooming flowers and trees. If that's not a perfect metaphor for life, I don't know what is. Even after a long, dark period, Mother Nature comes back to life. So will you. Keep

Good morning everyone….happy Friday….only a few hours till the weekend….

Parent: how do I stop my teen from texting and driving? My dad: buy him a Ford Focus

My dog must think his name is WHAT IS IN YOUR MOUTH.

This Friday is the first Friday I’ve had where I feel like just maybe I might be able to get on top of all the stuff I need to do.

I’ve solved the glass half full/glass half empty conundrum. I bought bigger glasses.

taking a practice math test while my kids are with an art teacher! ☺️