If you take the raisins out of Coronation Chicken it becomes Abdication Chicken

Freind [mumbling] - I want to post a topless pic on IG, but I'm scared of their prudish censorship. Me - Pardon? Her [still mumbling] - If I don't pixellate my nipples they'll ban me. Me - What? Her [still too quietly] - What should I .. Me - For heaven's sake just blurt it out.

I have blackout curtains in my bedroom but can never remember closing them.

- Pretty gross, but I discovered some itchy little scabs on my balls, which told me my foot infection has spread to my groin, whilst having my breakfast cereal this morning. - Oh, what did you have? - Crunchy nut cornflakes.

Jokesmike @Liffonmelsmork 😊

As a child, before corporal punishment was banned, I was frequently told "I'll tan your hide". I refused to accept this, I would not be suede. #LunchPun #RateMyPun

Swiss Pronouns be like: 'Yodel they/he/who' #LunchPun #RateMyPun

Donald Trump has been accused of watching eczema,psoriasis,and dermatitis porn. The former President's response was "FLAKE NUDES".

- Accidentally sitting on an old chocolate bar, I sadly stained my tanga underwear. - Mar a thong? -Not that old, it was me Snickers. #LunchPun #ratemypun

Eating sprouting seeds probably makes him the premier comedian in this competition. Alf alpha? No, Richard Pulsford and his mustard and cress diet. #LunchPun #RateMyPun and

Qatar v Ecuador to open the world cup... Hmmm... maybe the ESL isn't such a bad idea after all. #BBCFootball

Those legs, though...

#bbcfootball Man City starting with 2 attacking left backs, 3-4 left wingers... I think they may be targeting TAA.

Do you know what vicarious research is? Asking for a friend.

Rumex acetosa is actually the hardest word.

I have a dogged determination when I'm playing 'Battleships' even if I can't remember where I have located my vessels.I never know when I am B-10. #LunchPun

Please never imagine me naked. Unless the reason you're not imagining me naked is that you don't want to imagine me naked. Then you should.

#BBCFootball I thought Eriksen back to Spurs was a no brainer.Allowing Conte to change to a 3-5-2 against deep lying sides as a starter, or as an impact sub when struggling against better quality teams.