This meeting could have been a letter of resignation.

Be kind, some people are fighting battles on Xbox you know nothing about.

Friendly advice: never, ever comment on anyone's body in any way other than positive support. Do not call them too fat/too skinny. Do not share your preferences in replies. Men esp: stop saying you like women with meat on their bones, you are not dogs and we are not your toys.

I dunno, man. If I were truly interested in making amends for my behaviour, I wouldn’t flippantly compare what I did to a man who murdered his wife and young son in an attempt to downplay my own actions. Get fucked, Hulk Hogan.

Eclectic and whip smart, my happy support system. Give ‘em a peep #WCW Jennifer Slopez 𝓜53♕ ☠︎ KoKeni Snap'sSquatch Lia L'Assassin ★ Nutcracker Sweet Stabbatha Christy Emily ™ ANAÏS NINJA

thought i saw a cybertruck but it was just a dumpster full of soiled diapers that some kids pushed down a hill

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My first rodeo and my last rodeo were the same rodeo.

all snacks are low-calorie and guilt-free when you eat them on a roadtrip

At my funeral sit me up so I can see who’s talking to my man

A snack board so lame you call it a "Charpooperie"

The Internet Archive on Wednesday lost an appeal of a lower court’s decision that it committed copyright infringement with a pandemic-era digital books project, dealing the nonprofit what could be a decisive blow in a lengthy legal saga. trib.al/Cgv1yXz

My kid has been collecting money she finds around the house for years, I was short some cash and she let me borrow some, as long as I repay her, so now I owe her money for borrowing my money. Is it too soon to enroll her in business school?

Girlfriend: Babe would you still love me if I was human? Me: Of course ba...wait, what? *Her jaw unhinges*

When someone says a house has good bones, it means it doesn’t have Osteoporosis.

Welcome to our home. I’d say sorry for the mess but we have three kids, they’re the ones who should be sorry.

not drink from the milk carton i left out overnight, in this economy?

I’m here to do two things: kick ass, and watch “Aliens.” And they just nuked the site from orbit to be sure.

Is your name AVON, because I know you'll be calling?

Not enough people are finding their thrill on Blueberry Hill any more. 😉😘