Not now kitten, daddy’s making a pros and cons list for being alive

Sorry for blowing my vape smoke on your 90 year old grandmother. I was aiming for your baby

This is an all timer. Intern deserves a promotion

It’s pointlessly isolate yourself summer

do i want to add a fried egg?? what kind of question is that? yes add the fried egg. fuck you

wow i absolutely love your outfit the black really brings out the pet hair on it

Call my homies Lunchables cause they Crackers with cheese

Fred Again felt like he was about to take over the world in late 2022. Then he put the same song out nineteen times in a row

i am done drinking alcohol. if i ever drink again it will only be because i want to or feel like it

lowkey the only ball some of you know is sack

if alcohol damages your short term memory imagine what alcohol can do

The Plan? Spend millions to get a pedophile elected, and then tell everyone he’s a pedophile

drove by a chilis last night and got total fomo. i bet there was some amazing memories being created in there and stories that can’t be retold

WE DONT WANNA DO THAT DOEEEE

This country really runs on “I got mine, fuck everybody else.”

huda deadass ruined the season

you can tell a person’s in a very dark place when a fortune cookie means a lot to them

isn’t it crazy that republicans can link tylenol to autism but not guns to mass shootings

you’ll never see me again type shit

Yeah I'm EMO who fucking cares