Me sowing: Haha fuck yeah!!! Yes!! Me reaping: Well this fucking sucks. What the fuck.

is there a… mr. information?

Getting a boner and setting it on the counter when the cashier asks for my rewards number at lowes

it is likely this conveyor belt has been going for hundreds of millions of years. each emergence the rebirth of a pure land. undeniable evidence that we walk the surface of a living planet. this is why hawaii is special, sacred even

Referring to every American flag as “the Iwo Jima thing” and asking why it’s there

retirement should happen to all of us at 35 and on that birthday we should be shipped a government-issue military-grade rocking chair to maximize one’s ability to do porch-based ‘membering

They call it amtrak because the train am on the track

It’s finally here! I wrote a book! And now I have it in my hands! You can’t imagine how happy I am right now

I firmly believe as a professional computer toucher that there is a such thing as "computer mana". if you haven't earned the computer's respect you'll end up with all sorts of weird issues which will disappear the second that someone with high computer mana tries fixing it

this bitch loves a little fucking project

tfw

Found it! This math shit easy

these motherfuckers complain about homeless camps just to set one up in the office

still shocked no one’s built kidpix for the ipad