$1400 well spent🙌🏻

Direct Deposit: $1400 Me at Burger King:

we really on a floating rock paying bills...

“you got this. you can work 5 days. you can do this for the rest of your life until you die.”

My great grandma raising the chickens on the farm (1942)

my great great grandpa preforming his first ever show circa. 1900

me: hello i would like some spinach. just a normal amount for a normal person grocery store: yea right. bet u love spinach u little spinach freak. here's a fucking brick of spinach. a literal bathtub full. u have 3 days to eat it all before it goes bad

My niece turned 3 today!! She asked for a Lion King cake but specifically the moment where Mufasa dies, because “everyone will be too sad to eat the cake and it will be all for me.”

next level social distancing game

What are your Fourth of July plans? Merica. 🇺🇸🇺🇸

I can't believe camouflage actually fooled me I feel like a big fucking stupid moose

Why drive 13 mins for food when I can sit here and have it brought to me for only $63 more?

Dear Netflix

When i accidentally tell someone too much about how I'm feeling.

Y’all remember like 10-15 years ago when shit was just funny without everyone getting offended