thomas 🍌(@perfectsweeties) 's Twitter Profileg
thomas 🍌

@perfectsweeties

i am not smart

ID:2168290409

calendar_today04-11-2013 17:19:50

7,0K Tweets

59,3K Followers

782 Following

pavlo(@LaughterHaver) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Texting Twitter Girl: smoking on that dianne feinstein pack today.. bye bitch πŸ˜‚πŸ»πŸ€£ass pic to celebrate?

*realizing I accidentally texted a NORMAL girl instead* Just an example of the hateful rhetoric Bernie Bros are spewing on Twitter :/ ass pic to calm my nerves?

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Ron Iver(@ronnui_) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Gf: I think you're so handsome :-)

Me: ok

Friend: Your Kermit impression is getting really good

Me: That means the world to me player

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helena(@freshhel) 's Twitter Profile Photo

If i was a cricket id fucking kill myself imagine u have SIX legs all bunched up forever. and you’re ugly. No hoes. a butterfly sees u she’s like Ugh

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thomas 🍌(@perfectsweeties) 's Twitter Profile Photo

me: the good doctor? young sheldon? these shows are so ass πŸ˜‚

concerned stranger: be wary traveler

me: what

stranger: you know not the evil of the names you speak

me: the good doctor? young shel–

The Doctor Sheldon: [hand erupting from the earth, magma spewing] ฿₳Ⱬł₦₲₳

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Daggerlad(@Daggerlad2) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Magician: and for my next trick… well, you know the rest 😏πŸͺ„πŸ‡πŸŽ©

Me: woah

Gandalf the White, sitting next to me: Conjuror of cheap tricks…

Concealed carry guy behind us: Hey is that Saruman 🫡😦 *unloading clip at Gandalf, missing him and hitting me center mass 18 times*

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thomas 🍌(@perfectsweeties) 's Twitter Profile Photo

apartment hunting is so sick. landlords are like hey we need you to hand-submit an application to our friend gary. he lives in a treacherous swamp. he will run a credit check and ask for a lock of your hair. 1st months rent is due on move in. please mail a money order to florida

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thomas 🍌(@perfectsweeties) 's Twitter Profile Photo

fishing has gotta be one of the only activities that immediately gets worse when you succeed. you’re just relaxing, enjoying nature, living life. then your fishing line tenses and it’s like fucking great. now i have to deal with this shit

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allison jannessary(@bobo_circus) 's Twitter Profile Photo

sorry guys im leaving twitter. im going to post gleeps on frunkley.bunk with two hundred of the most 38 year old people this website ever churned out

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richard(@richard_normal) 's Twitter Profile Photo

me (no beers): i will never read from the human skin bound book of the dead. i will not chant it’s dark messages.

me (four beers, smiling): hell, lemme see that book of the dead, brother. what’s one rune reading among friends?

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thomas 🍌(@perfectsweeties) 's Twitter Profile Photo

having a cat or other small critter ride your shoulders is so rad dude. it’s the closest human beings will ever come to becoming a mech. where do you wanna go little guy?? i will destroy everything in our path for you

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i bless the rains down in castamere(@Chinchillazllla) 's Twitter Profile Photo

guy in a zombie apocalypse who just keeps saying 'the zombies are more afraid of us than we are of them' and stands up tall and waves his arms around and yells at them and he turns out to be 100% right

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