My mom really looked at a 10 lb, minutes old baby and thought "MARTHA"

americans everywhere realizing uh oh. i’m a citizen of the circus. i’m one of the monkeys

Sorry if I came off nonchalant, I assure you, I am absolutely full of chalants

(speaking as a conservative woman) people talk about how women disproportionately vote Democrat. I suspect this mentality is a major factor.

I told my husband I was fine, and then proceeded to be fine, because yeah I was actually fine, and just say what you mean.

Also -hang up the kids' autumn themed school art crafts -plan a kids Halloween movie watch party -get way too excited about the leaves changing in the trees in the front yard -preparatory cleaning of the fireplace -peacefully meditate on all the mosquitoes dying

Hold up…the rapture is happening on Tuesday? The day of tacos?

when my doctor pisses me off

Me purposefully not buying snack food at the store but also me opening and closing the cabinets hoping snack food will appear.

The second sentence is why the first sentence has to happen!

Sometimes people are against the death penalty because they think it's *too lenient* compared to having to live with what you've done.

Your 20s are a very, very good time to get married and have babies, and it's quite odd that our cultural script for the UMC/striver types no longer acknowledges this fact. (Since moving back to Brooklyn, I've gotten quite a few "you're the nanny, right?" comments, which is

Pet peeve: the very cheerful narrator in drug/medication commercials speaking over images of inspiration and hope as they rapid-fire explains all the ways this drug could hurt or kill you

Stressed to wake up this morning not sure if my differential equations exam is today or tomorrow. Relieved to realize it's neither, because I'm not taking a differential equations class, because I have been out of school for many years. Lol.

In 1976, 92% of high school seniors said that they had consumed alcohol in their lives. In 2022, that was 53%. Smoking cigarettes went from 76% to 17% during the same time period. Marijuana use is down by 26 pts. Oh, and teen pregnancy is down 75% since the early 1990s.

I’m interested in what would cause ICE to say “wait, we actually killed an American citizen by mistake.” The immediate reflexive “s/he deserved it” regardless of the evidence or video is disgusting.

"controversial opinion:" [complains about something] "unpopular opinion but" [complains about something] "I'll probably get hate for this but" [complains about something]

A new study finds that work-from-home raises fertility more than any conventional family policy. "Estimated lifetime fertility is greater by 0.32 children per woman when both partners WFH one or more days per week as compared to the case where neither does." 🧵.