I’m so sad- I just took my sous vide to goodwill.

my favourite cinematic universe

If you’re still with whoever you were with in 2011 you’re so lucky that Lana’s Video Games reminds you of your current relationship.

did a little photoshop job on fiverr over the weekend and just got an e-mail saying i'm "going to be beheaded"?? any lawyers on here

If this is all because of a woman called the Marchioness of Cholmondeley I’m gonna fucking lose it

I keep thinking how it actually takes quite a bit of photoshop skills to manipulate a photo to that degree- skills that would also come with an eye for the mistakes they made as well. Which has me questioning the actual goal of whoever did that hack job. Maybe a smoke signal?

See my man filling up my water bottle *He LoVe’S mE* … Discovering he has used lukewarm water *WaR cRiMiNaL*.

Me one hour into an apocalypse: “Shoot I forgot my vaseline.”

Something switches and I turn into my most outgoing silly funny self when I’m getting a Pap smear and breast exam. I bet that doctor was laughing at my jokes the whole way home. Wish I could bring my pappy energy with me other places.

Kind of feels like I spent 15 years wishing all the dudes would start wearing skinny jeans and those dudes all finally started wearing them at just about the time that I started wanting them to wear loose jeans. Keep up boys.

oh, we’re just gonna “play it by ear?” [starts sweating] we aren’t making a reservation? [gnawing at fingernails] oh, we don’t even have a restaurant picked out? or a general time? we’re just gonna “see what the vibe is” day of? [begins bashing head into wall] no, im chill :)

Intense soaking in Utah County currently

They shoulda just done hot ones and whoever lived can have it

the irish holy trinity.

biggest criticism of Tim Walz is he’s making me realize how bad my dad is

I just know Tim Walz could teach me how to drive stick shift without making me cry once

My four year old just asked me if I’m ever going to buy myself some big girl panties that cover my whole butt cheeks.

the most annoying person you know just fell to their knees