My 4yo daughter asked me “what even is the point of boys? all they do is play” and I’m still working on my response.

This is the pain scale chart at my physical therapy.

date: so what do you like to do for fun? me:

Fox News always warned us about this...

This beat is

If you are actually trying to market to people that are sick of hummus/tired of guac then you are marketing to imaginary people... They don't exist.

Just another article about how our generation "cares too much about childhood nostalgia" Mmkay, Boomers who collect weird old toys and Gen Xers who still go to Pearl Jam concerts. Mmmmmkay.

Imagine having the energy to make an instagram story.

Imagine being the kind of person that falls into the Buffalo Wild Wings demographic

Is there a thing where I can be a cam girl but like be fully clothed and you just pay me to talk about my tortoises and I like show you my tortoises and you tell me how cool my tortoises are.

My tortoises and I deserve fame and fortune.

There is a conference call happening right next to me that involves serious environmental regulation jargon and I am looking at cute otter vidz.

She was silent and mysterious, like the "g" in lasagna.

It’s kind of fucked up that kids move out when they turn 18. Like you spend all that money, time, and love and they still just leave??? Imagine if you adopted a cat, had it for 18 years, and then suddenly it packed up its shit and was like “I’m going to Arizona State”

Tell me a metro area in the entire country that does not have at least one large adult man who rides around on a child sized bike and I will bake you a pie.

Excuse me, but to anyone w a child rn, please teach your kids to be bathroom door handle jigglers ONLY. Don't raise another wave of knockers.

Millennials, quit whining. I paid off $150,000 in student loans and own a $400,000 home, because I SAVE. It’s not that hard. I -Make coffee at home -Bus instead of Uber -Shop sales -Had parents pay off my loans & buy me a house because I’m daddy’s special boy -Got Hulu with ads

So the point is to beat the psychotic orange dictator, so we're electing an Alzheimer's patient who can barely formulate a sentence. Welp. Bold. Move.