Parenting: I can be annoyed at my kid but I don’t want anyone else to be ever.

It's not exactly the Fountain of Youth but I found if you renew your Driver's License online you don't have to change your photo.

You're either in Dollar General once a day or 6 times a day, there is no in between.

My daughter was doing an acrostic with her teachers name and wrote “E is for entelligent”. Is it possible to be held back on the last day of school?

Calling in a hostage negotiator to talk my 7yo out of packing all these toys in 𝒎𝒚 suitcase

Pope Leo’s pledge of support for a common Easter date is like putting a tariff on Orthodox Easter candy.

Regularly deleting my brower history so no one can see how many of my searches are cheese related

I like cuddling with you because you’re soft and fluffy like a Squishmallow -my 8 year old with yet another devastating blow to my self esteem

I saw an ad for Aerosoles and thought it said arseholes so it’s either time for an eye exam or I gotta ease up on the BritBox.

Just got back from 10YOs last science project fair of the year, and happy to share that since 1st grade utill now there has been a tremendous growth in the effort put in by the parents

I made a pizza using fat-free cheese so if anybody wants to try some pizza made with fat-free cheese it’s in my trash.

Where did my mouse cursor go. -a memoir

On the bright side, when you’re in your 80s it’s easier to lose weight.

Neighbor borrowed a cup of sugar from me and never gave it back...starting to feel used.

On today’s family vacation agenda: my parents read the internet out loud

My wife has been out of town since Monday and I miss her so to make it feel like she’s home I slept on the couch last night.

Bag: Tear here. Me: Ahhh. If only it were that simple. * looks down at 3 strips of packaging and a still unopenable bag of granola * * grabs scissors *

Kids will never stand in for a family picture and then you’ll find 947 selfies of their zoomed in eyebrows on your phone