the vegetables in my freezer watching me grab pizza rolls again

i could’ve easily carried the ring from rivendell to mordor all i would need is some tylenol and a honda odyssey

I love when I’m watching a historical movie and they say “you forget yourself”

The Patriots might have devil magic, The United States Government, and Israel but we have two Puerto Rican Crested Toads, and Robert Irwin

Scrub Mommy has both an abrasive “flex texture” side and a soft side, whereas Scrub Daddy is only made of the abrasive “flex texture” material and is not dual-sided. In this essay, I will…

sure, the horrors persist but then i feel the light breeze caressing my face when i open the window early in the morning and i want to live

they invented the movie theater to keep me docile

what if i donate my body to science and they go like "wow, we can’t use this"

i love astrology because it’s like what if I had conspiracy theories about myself

[flirting] what soups you been into lately?

And for the lady, perhaps a plastic baseball helmet full of ice cream?

how it feels being from LA and seeing metro extensions opening every few months

Lord, I have seen what you’ve done for others…

I love beating a dead horse idgaf I got something else to say

The astronauts on Artemis II probably:

This has made me laugh so much

Welcome to Southern California

I am aggressively Californian and there’s nothing I can do about it