Why is it so satisfying to be a giant bitch to men in the bar lmao like offer to buy me a drink or go away

Marry receding hairline bc I can just send him to Turkey (also more likely to be gainfully employed), kill peaked in hs (most likely to be abusive), and fuck lives with his mom (fucks like a god bc he wants to sleep in a nice bed without his mother in the next room)

Meeting up with a gf in 45 mins and just realized the place we’re going to is quite literally around the corner from the home of a man I’ve been in shambles over for the last 6 weeks lmao awesome hope he’s in the mood for frozen espresso martinis too

Me after seeing Kyle Dunnigan last night

Beyond glad I got the Billie Eilish surprise last weekend and not this one, I’d start breaking stuff

One time I was really stoned watching Grey’s Anatomy and someone on the show said “Meredith!” (because duh, Meredith Grey) so my high ass answered “yeah?” and I sat there for a good minute before I realized it was the TV and nobody was talking to me.

Happy 4/20!

Literally no one “refuses to accept” that people like Taylor Swift lol I’m like very neutral about her & what I see from both the swifties & those who make it a point to hate her is that they’re both annoying & never going to sway the other party to the other side so like, relax

I am the mother of a boy but I do NOT identify as a “boy mom” because I’m normal about it

I’m at the strip club throwing cash (bc that is strip club etiquette) and these guys are neither throwing cash nor buying dances and I hope they disintegrate on the way out the door 😤 DON’T GO TO THE STRIP CLUB IF YOU DON’T WANNA THROW CASH!!!!

how it feels to be the only person alive who likes, dislikes, thinks about, and listens to Taylor Swift the exact correct amount

Finally got to NY and nobody wants to go to the strip club in like 20 mins to throw money at lana del slay with me? Ok swerfs

My friend gave me a FAT bump I was not expecting last weekend bc it was dark and I couldn’t see how big it was and I looked at her like oh my god and she said “it’s not the bump you want, but it’s the bump you need” and she was right

baby that’s kristen doute

The fact that she has never seen a therapist completely changes things for me, ok, I get all of it now, yes ok

I am so glad I’m not paranoid and know how to travel without looking like a target

I want to run into them so bad and manipulate the lives out of them