women: a good reason to not take your partner’s last name when you get married is that maybe you and i went to school together and i’d like to have a little look at what you’re up to now

all of this in one year is actually insane but somehow my straw is the problem

"look at your keyboard betw..."

so jealous of cats to be honest. imagine being a huge bitch literally all the time and the person who takes care of you is like awwwwwww

her lighting them up one by one like a row of matches has me up the fucking walls

who else

imagine trump getting shot and his security yells “donald duck”

No community note

We call them “red onions” despite everyone knowing they’re purple, this is the type of chaos we are forced to endure

Sweetie, I’m not voting for her because she’s a woman. I’m voting for her because she wants me to have as many rights as a man.

Please don’t bring me to no party if u gon do coke im really gon b in the corner like this

why’s she giving martha may whovier low key

Me: watches a show called Unsolved Mysteries narrator: the case was never solved me :

never reposted anything so fast

I didn’t realize how good my parents raised me until I got around other people

One person cooks while the other person drinks alcohol nearby. It's literally a perfect system.

idk if im pregnant or what but i been craving 3 million dollars so bad

every time I see an American try to explain how Canada "takes advantage of" the USA, I am viscerally reminded why that entire country collectively cannot be trusted with Kinder Surprise Eggs for their own safety