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I once bought a $40 souvenir book from an art exhibit about anti-capitalism 📚

brought home a cool rock i found

someone: i learned this in my high school history class

me:

In my day we walked uphill to school both ways in flip flops from Old Navy and toe rings.

The Men in my Mentions™ are not coping well. “Defend my honor,” sir it’s 2024. Not 1431.

Gentlemen, stop talking about the bear…

The lived experience of women proves you wrong.

The statistics prove you wrong.

Your own memories of nights out with the boys prove you wrong.

Listen to what women are saying, it’s not that difficult.

we’re a species that burns their mouths repeatedly on hot pockets how are we not extinct.

What 6 months of consistent looksmaxxing can do for you if you actually try.

The thing is, most men will never even do the bare minimum.

There is an intense sweetness in the fruit you harvest from the labour of taking care of yourself.

[texting a friend]

Hey! I haven’t talked to you in a bit, so I’m just checking in to see if you’re okay

and make sure you’re not mad at me.
Lolz. Kbye!

I love women because they are either thinking about skincare or death

I love how the bear dialogue would have died down a while ago if the misogynists hadn’t freaked out. Lol.

Me: *places a hold on a book in the Libby app*

Libby app: There’s a 36 week wait on this book.

Me: *starts another book while I wait*

*two hours later*

Libby app: Your hold is ready.

Haggis- the meal you have to stomach twice

Hey I'm bringing velour track suits back everyone

Given the state of things *motions wildly at everything,* we are definitely not eating nearly enough potatoes

Me: Are Medusa’s pubes snakes too?
Accountant: I meant questions about your tax return.

I'm gonna need y'all to stop making up new slang words I am exhausted

If you sleep wrong and your neck hurts all day, everyone has to know about it.

I have way too much confidence in my ability to just wing any food I cook. I have no concept of time.

*crunches on undercooked beans and burnt tortillas*