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department of government efficiency:

hoping this is like giving your little brother the unplugged controller

louisiana: we’re going to make schools display the 10 commandments god: you should probably read the 10 commandments louisiana: yeah yeah we will right after we pledge allegiance to this idol we made

what cooks

i think the tyson/paul match will come down to whoever can win pennsylvania

america needs to see jake paul’s head spin all the way around. it will heal democracy

who let 23% in the ring

getting knocked out round 1: netflix

i appreciate how netflix paid homage this image quality

mike still has a chance to win the popular vote

that beaver’s gonna get home from work like “what the hell”

More than anything, what makes the holiday season so special is that it highlights the humanity of togetherness. That's why we had ten thousand CPUs burp out sixty seconds of slop for your idiot minds.

nobody involved in this has spent any significant time observing real things happening

sorry i haven’t posted much lately. i need to come clean, i’ve been hanging out with another app and we’re really hitting it off. i still want to be friends though! or you could join us? if you’re into that sort of thing

RIP David Lynch, you would’ve loved that it is friday once again

if eating celery burns more calories than it contains imagine the net negative calories you get chasing a cherry tomato around with your fork

don’t ask me what my favorite tiktok is. that’s like asking me my who my favorite child is. i’ve never seen any of them before and i don’t know what they’re called