TONIGHT! Come see some of the funniest comics in Chicago due battle against our hottest sauces The Lincoln Lodge!

Use code SAUCE for discounted tickets!

TIX: eventbrite.com/e/spitfire-com…

(Getting on the bus) Ok who should be the backup driver in case something happens to him. I say it should be me. Show of hands who agrees

gave some energy supps to this weird squid cuz he said some square bitch is keeping him up all night

wtf else was he supposed to do? not like he could binge netflix

okay so did we just stop trying to solve healthcare or what?

this is my new narc test. anyone who says there’s an elephant can’t be trusted

mom: please, please just go play with the other children

christopher robin: *googling how to order zoloft* I can’t the stuffed donkey I’m friends with is clinically depressed

her: i’ll have the salad, no nuts, please

waiter: of course

me: it didn’t say it had nuts

her: i’m allergic, so I tell them to be safe

me: that makes sense

waiter: and for you?

me: steak, no bees, please

me: the Kool-Aid man was basically a reverse vampire. he’d go into people’s houses uninvited and have them drink his blood

my therapist: again, it’s not technically wrong but I’m concerned you have diagrams

They should do this at every job. If I knew any mistake I made was gonna be torn apart by a group of teenage girls I’d never fuck up again.

On this week’s (PENULTIMATE!) episode of season one of How to Write a Joke, I sat down with king of one-liners Andrew Nadeau to discuss his writing process and why we never get invited to parties.

Available now on Spotify, Amazon, and Apple Podcasts!

Making a Jurassic Park movie about a guy who went the day before the dinosaurs broke out and is trying to be sensitive about it but also really wants to show you his pictures.

[filling in my friend who’s never heard of OJ Simpson]

him: wow! how can you be that good at football AND in the Naked Gun movies??

me: ok well don’t—let’s not get too excited yet

I’m in shock. We just had lunch and he was in good spirits. Smiling. Telling me how he just discovered where the Clinton’s were in June of ‘94 and how it would “change everything”.

This is so embarrassing. Why are we even trying to get to this planet?

im not getting paid enough for this 💀

The size of the gates in Jurassic Park suggests they were always planning on letting the dinosaurs out.

There’s a parallel universe where people age non-linearly, and every day you have no idea how old you’ll wake up. So sometimes you’d have to call into work like, “Sorry, can’t make it in today, I’m 7.”

waiter: ugh, that awful group is back

jesus: hi! just 13 waters, please