Haven't seen inspirational twitter in a while... Think they are all happy finally?

Fiddna tear it up

I need to figure out how to monetize being awkward and insecure about myself

I can't feel my fucking hands, so if I'm messaging you, feel special bitch.

Work shit show yesterday turns into retirement party story the day after.

Check on your catfish friends... these bots out here stealing jobs

The perfect your mom meme does not exist

Shitposter reporting for duty, sir!

Not to brag but I put the shit in POS

Talking dirty to my latest conquest. I long for the old days when I was still innocent and vulnerable. When I was the prey instead of the predator. Life is strange that way.

Me tonight cuz after having a martini and a port I’m feeling pretty.

'I'm not interested in answering that question,' has been working really well for me lately.

Why hasn't anyone started a business where they put you in a medically induced coma for your week vacation?

Friends with benefits sounds like genital herpes to me.

Welcome to Twitter, this is where Sarcasm and Hypocrisy take a shower together.

Every man that's ever committed date rape is very upset over this bear comparison, the rest of us get it.

If there is no gun loop hole show then EXPLAIN THIS! The only reason to do this is to sell guns without a background check! And I don’t wanna hear about your 2nd Commandment!

WHEN WILL CONGRESS ACT?!

Ice cream fixes everything. It's the duct tape of foods

Once all social media gets banned I'm gonna start peddling my jokes door to door

You ask for a Swedish massage and then get mad when I roll meatballs on your back