When I was 6, I didn't take Christmas as seriously as some of the people on this site take Groundhog Day.

I have a strict policy against dating strippers, and by strict policy I mean Court Order.

If you email me asking for help, a bad way to start is, "I have been trying to contact someone for months."

I have nothing in common with grown women who want life-size stuffed teddy bears for Valentine's Day.

You must have me confused with someone who likes you.

March Madness, but it’s an office pool for the preferred pronouns of the next front page psychopath.

You put up with a lot of crap when you believe it’s the only kind of love you’re going to get.

Volunteers to help Karma work faster

No thanks babe, I can’t afford Free Pussy.

How many roses have been laid on the altar as a sacrificial offering to elusive love?

#NewProfilePic

Do you remember these lips?

I do not want to be warm, I want to be cold and then warmed by the weight of you on top of me.

And soon will come Spring, And more of the same thing.

Who takes care of the carer?

You can learn a lot about someone by sharing a ride in the back of a police car.

Idk how me calling us soulmates makes me “creepy”, after all, you did comment on 2 of my Tweets.

What base is it when she calls you "quirky?"

I’m just here until the edibles kick in.

Hub said to go ahead and buy my own Valentine's Day present. Looks like he's going to be very generous this year.