just power through booo

Work construction after HS, pay for your own braces as an adult, get your bachelor's taking night classes until 10pm after busting your ass all day, get the white collar job, then get the side eye from the girl at the weed store for asking for the 5mg gummies. Life is good.

This magic eraser isn't getting rid of any of my problems

This box wine has subtle hints of 7-Eleven parking lot and poor decisions.

My soul is tired.

Some people will only love you as long as you fit into their box. Don’t be afraid to shove that box up their ass.

A smart phone should have the ability to dial 911 if you're hurt and it thinks you'll live, and burn your house down if it knows you're not going to make it.

i’m trying to have a bath and this fucker Jesus keeps turning it into wine

don’t tell me, show me.

At least I’m good at mucking things up.

Anyone that calls themselves a trad wife definitely used to strip at bachelor parties.

Friends with benefits sounds like genital herpes to me.

Don’t dude me motherfucker

Don’t fucking do it.

I was taught not to lose sight of my goal, so I never take my eyes off my bed.

Why hasn't anyone started a business where they put you in a medically induced coma for your week vacation?

don’t look at me, i don’t know what’s going on….i just tweet here.

Women have a secret superpower they activate by tucking their hair behind their ear.