Post a selfie from your gallery and turn it b&w 📸

Might list myself as an 'occult detective' in the local weekly and see what kind of calls I get.

Craaaaazy! 🦫

You can have enchiladas on Taco Tuesday. Nobody gives a fuck.

These people make me wanna WRETCH 🤮🤦🏻‍♀️🙄😑🫥⚰️💐

It’s okay to feel sorry for yourself, but don’t make it your whole personality.

At 10k followers I'm showing pinky

Maryland is shaped like if you squashed a silverfish in a road atlas. More Maryland facts as I get them.

A bear we can all agree on.

Might fuck around and make all my puns intended

maybe one hit wonders are actually goated because they got the job done with one song

sorry, I'm illiterate in one eye

Hear me out, maybe video killed the deputy.

Is it Zarathustro or Zarathustra, this gender reveal party invitation gotta be right

razzle AND dazzle? in this economy??

I took your advice and worked smarter not harder. Now I’m going to need your advice on a good lawyer.

I’m just 3 bacon and egg sandwiches and an iced coffee in a trench coat

eating bananas like it's corn on the cob

If you like my humor, you should be concerned…