A full two weeks of being clean and sober. I couldn't have achieved this if it weren't for help from all of you.

What if we kissed outside the Brutalist McDonald’s

*throws bread at her feet*

It's not weak to ask for help.

If I ever get self esteem y’all better lookout.

I named my tits Cheech and Chong cause they smokin

As the Greek philosopher Testicles once remarked
'This is bollocks.'

Feeling good today. Thank you to everyone who has supported me. It means a lot.

Manifesting this today.

This is my pinned tweet.

My tweets, much like my cooking, extra cheesy and will likely give you heartburn.

keeping the ones who found me in pieces and helped me find peace

Slap Shot is the greatest movie in film history and I will not be taking questions at this time.

I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life but none of them have ever included Miracle Whip.

when you really want to tell someone they need therapy, and then remember they would just lie to the therapist too

My tramp stamp is 2 orcas taking down a yacht

You’re only as old as you feel.

~feels 103

Really should make sure the bathroom is empty before you're on camera.

The weird thing is that my libido is starting to come back and, holy fuck, we Canadians have some gorgeous women.

You: Mr. Bean

Me (an intellectual):
Blackadder