Way to go, Brenna! You came, you confessed your love for Mrs. Butterworth, you conquered. See y’all next week! #GameofGames

You know you *really* messed up when you find yourself apologizing for your apology.

And you don’t have to tell her how you got the skeleton. You’re not on trial.... yet.

ive never met a science i didn't like

I am shopping for old school Transformer toys right now and my boner is raging.

I always keep a Ziploc bag of yellow starbursts in my desk drawer as fuel for my self-loathing.

Everyone in my office is miserable except me. I think I may have slipped into an alternate universe or something.

My wife said that if she hears me rehearsing this presentation one more time I'll be delivering it at Ted-Ex.

[someone knocks twice on the door] me: you better not be another fuckin banana

my roommate talking like a baby to her boyfriend omfg please kill me why are y’all like this???

Your logic is so fuzzy I almost want to pet it

her: oh no have you been crying me: when? right now or at the gas station did someone say something

should twitter add an edit buttom