I think it's very unprofessional of nine inch nails to steal the song Hurt from Johnny Cash

2021 lookin better already

dinosaurs literally got taken out on the same planet we walk on today and people still think we’re invincible. ur not better than a stegosaurus

girlfriend: [comes home from work] ugh let me change I smell like pizza and french fries me: no wait [pouring a glass of wine] leave them on

I retweet paperwash once and this is what my ads turn into

"I'm doing my best!" I say while I am clearly not trying in the least.

You think Healthcare is expensive? Try dying. I actually died yesterday but I couldn't afford it so they made me alive again until I could pay it off.

I will use my stimmy check to steal the declaration of independence

yo anyone seen any good Bernie memes lately?

I am so disappointed in Phoebe. There are millions of hungry kids out there who would have loved to eat that guitar. And now no one can eat it. I can’t stop crying.

Tech tip for people who are not as tech-savvy as me: Let's say you need to write to someone urgently but you don't have a pen. No problem! Simply set up an “e-mail” account online. You can then e-mail the person, telling them to expect a letter from you when you get a new pen 👍

hello? anybody there?

It would appear I have fucked up.

Keep mustard in my pocket for special occasions