idk how to explain this but Thursday, October and 8:00 PM are all the same

won't someone please invent a nightstand the size of a dining room table for all my waters and lotions and books

*my mom telling the doctor how i feel* me:

I think I could survive truly horrific circumstances if I had a crush on someone there

a tic tac for breakfast, a tic tac for lunch, and 3,000 calories for dinner minutes before bed

to dress like a slut or a grandpa today

Shaq should have a tequila brand called Shaquila

men with longer hair if you hear a voice that tells you to cut it that's the devil talking. you have to ignore it at all costs im not joking

One Like = One Vote for the Gay Agenda

i dont think before i speak i like being just as surprised as everyone else

me after telling my straight friends a joke i completely stole from drag race:

describe your spotify wrapped to me using only a picture of your boobs

how i talk to my close friends vs how I talk to everyone else

It's my #Twitterversary! I have been on Twitter for 10 years, since 1 Sep 2013 (via Twi Age 🥳).

David: “is juice his last name?” me: “who” David: “Beetle.”