Good morning to everyone except people at the supermarket checkout who don’t move along the conveyor belt at the same time as their shopping

A cracking evening of comedy over in #Swadlincote last night. I’m so grateful to have so many great acts come perform for us and the lovely crowd we have there. Doug Carter, Craig Deeley 🇪🇺🏳️‍🌈 🇺🇦 , Kevin Hudson, Hussein Ali & Karen Bayley doing the absolute business!

Weird name for a seed.

In my spare time I enjoy going to the theatre, listening to music, and cooking Indian food, although everyone watching the play never seems very impressed

In my spare time I enjoy going to the theatre, listening to music, and cooking Indian food, although everyone watching the play never seems very impressed

Not saying I’m old but I just yelled “GROW UP YOU’RE ALL ABOUT 50” at the Impractical Jokers trailer

dON’t diSrEspeCT aRE fLAg!1!! 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿😂

░A░N░K░L░E░S░░I░N░
░B░I░O░G░R░A░P░H░Y░

A Facebook memory but for the anniversary of when you unfriended someone

AXE MURDERER: Sweet Caroline

ME, HIDING IN CUPBOARD: Bom, bom bommm

“Go Downtown, see if I care”
- Petulant Clark

I’m very good in bed. Hardly any crumbs

“The hare and tortoise had a race and long story short, the tortoise won”
- ASAP’s fables

Our made-up murder mystery comes to the beautiful Old Joint Stock pub theatre, Birmingham, on July 18th
designmynight.com/birmingham/pub…

When I joined here 14 years ago, it seemed such a nice, silly, friendly place to anyone who ambled in. The only improvements I ever suggested were relentless pornbots, promotion of Nazi accounts, adverts and constant misinformation, so it's nice to feel heard.

[VILLAIN REVEALS EVIL PLAN]
*lights cigar*
'HAHAHAHA'
SECURITY GUARD: 'You can't smoke in here'
*from outdoor smokers' shelter 10 floors below*
“ₕₐₕₐₕₐ”

Michael Gove, the other day.. 🫢
…

Called in, 'The toe seam on one of my socks is crooked and I can't work like this.'

I wonder if the ocean is full of ghosts of long dead fish vengefully haunting sharks.

Bryan Adams turns 65 this year, which means that in the summer of 69 he would have been 10 years old. What kind of parents allows a 10 year old to spend his evenings down at the drive in? I can completely understand why Jimmy wanted no part of it.