If a car backfires and no one on Nextdoor asks if somebody heard gunshots, did it make a sound?

My wife and I role play "The Fast and the Furious" in bed. Me and her, respectively.

I’ve forgotten all of your names.

i made a meme

divorcing my wife by thumbs down reacting our anniversary Facebook post

This is why pride is a sin

Someone anoymously complained about the Pride decorations at work and now I'm inspired. So long Pride month. Hello Pride year.

Gonna microdose some dopamine by refreshing the same three apps for a couple of hours

[first day as a proctologist] ME [to patient]: ok now you do it to me

If the cast of Friends was a group of dinosaurs they would have hung out at Jurassic Perk

Quick question for a few of my family members why are you like this

Not to brag but, there’s always a heat wave when I’m around.

Happy birthday Swim Jeans 👖 I love you my dude

What the fuck do Canadians who complain about the heat want from us?

Whenever I push a door that you're supposed to pull and someone sees me I say " I guess I'll do it the easy way" and then kiss my bicep while doing it the correct way.

We said free Britney not Cosby

Pudding Pops? More like we need to be pudding old rapist pops back into prison

Found out that Leonardo DiCaprio’s wax figure looks exactly like Easy👾 It’s uncanny.

I will give you $5 to buy your dog some chicken nuggs.

Took a buzzfeed quiz and my soulmate is #stevebuscemi so what can I do about this