microdosing being a parent by listening to my patient tell the doctor a completely different story than they told me

I hope my friends don’t find out I own a jacket. -Middle Schoolers

I took a picture of a kid's chest x-ray to show the family (he had pneumonia). I showed the kid and he gasped. Then in an awestruck voice he said, "I have a skeleton."

washing ur face and water going down ur elbow is so sickening

Distance yourself from people that bring out the person you’re not trying to be anymore.

if ur ever losing an argument all u have to say is “yeah yeah yeah, save it for the judge” and walk away

Pre-Thanksgiving reminder that the kids’ table is actually the best. No one at the adult table has ever asked how fast I can run or what the best lizard is

ah I’d love to but i’m pretty booked up this winter

Stop shrinking to fit in places you have outgrown.

My single ass all tucked into my couch on Valentine’s Day Eve, ready to watch desperate girls duke it out over a solid 6 man #TheBachelor

Rule #1 of the bachelor is NEVER mention the word Instagram. These girls are newbies #TheBachelor

i’m cutting back on water so i can focus on diet coke

Catholic people staring at you every year on some random Wednesday in February

I always think my feelings are SO COMPLICATED but then Spring happens and I’m like oh no wait I’m fine

Whenever cops screw up we never hear end of it. Sometimes rightfully so. But let's just make sure heroic actions of Metro Nashville PD is talked about just as loudly. Running without hesitation into active shooter situation is hero shit. Thanks to all officers who risked their lives.

me wearing my expensive online purchases only to realize the horrifying void is still in me