I hope I never become the kind of fan where my artist has won a RECORD number of awards, yet I am still indignant that they didn’t win MORE.

Saw this today and naturally thought of NYTPitchbot immediately. These people are (almost) beyond parody.

Opinion | I’m a rule-of-law Republican who believes all ANTIFA pukes should face the death penalty, but if a grand jury of our peers indicts Trump, we'll have to riot.

"this person is either the real Taylor Swift or someone who has $8 there's no way to be certain"

No notes.

Few Americans buy accusations that Biden is a corrupt international businessman who empowered his corrupt children, because Trump just showed them what that actually looks like. Along similar lines, Elon Musk has accidentally showed how little bias there was at Twitter before.

america: kids can work in factories now america: if an active shooter comes into their class, kids should just hide in a big metal box america: lmao why would preschool be free america: why aren’t people having KIDS ANYMORE

So I guess the owner of this platform is a full-blown Nazi now? K.

Laws. Not just for the little people.

"Socialism is a scare word they've hurled at every advance the people have made. Socialism is what they called public power, social security, deposit insurance, and independent labor organizations. Socialism is their name for anything that helps all people." —Harry Truman, 1952

Well, this is awkward…

Imagine thinking that sleep apnea disqualifies you from being president but serial rape and financial criming doesn’t.

Marsha, I get that you aren’t the brightest bulb in the box. That’s abundantly clear. But even someone of your exceptionally limited intellect should be able to grasp that SEIZED DRUGS=GOOD, NOT SEIZED DRUGS=BAD.

Follow me on threads! @ kiteeatingtree

How it started: How it is going:

.NYTPitchbot you writing for GQ now?

Trump’s teleprompter broke. He told every other nation they are going to hell. He bragged about violating international law. He blamed climate change on immigrants. He complained about the wind not blowing enough. And made a plug for his campaign hats. What a disgrace.

NOW THAT I, GAVIN C. NEWSOM, AM OFFICIALLY PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES (THANK YOU DONALD!), I HAVE MANY BIG ANNOUNCEMENTS TO MAKE! FIRST, EVERY TRUMP EXECUTIVE ORDER IS NULL AND VOID, STEPHEN MILLER AND EVERY TRUMP GOON IS FIRED, AND THE TRUMP CORRUPTION PROBE IS OFFICIALLY