9yo: I dreamed Momma and Daddy got eaten by a snake at the library. 5yo: That's crazy. Snakes can't read. #proud

Research-nonresident fatherhood "leads to an earlier sexual debut for girls." I'm never leaving home #dads #parenting psycnet.apa.org/journals/dev/5…

Me: What's this? 4 y/o daughter: A butt w/ eyeballs Me: What's that in the middle? daughter: A penis And away we go.

I'd choose a national shift for all humans to wear diapers over potty training right now. I've felt this way on long car rides, too. Weird?

The sense of accomplishment when you finish a box of cereal and throw the box away. #decluttering #thelittlethings #parenting

Naps are one of the few things I don't have to fake excitement about to my children.

4 y/o daughter: "It smells like Daddy's farts!" Volume: loud Context: Crowded parking garage, after getting out of the car. #dads #shame

CNN: Stressed out parents: 'Never again' cnn.it/1NaVOXs

10 Rules for Food Shopping With Kids slogofdad.com/2015/08/13/10-…

10 Rules for Food Shopping With Kids wp.me/p6mPIP-cR #parenting #slog life

5 Tips for Eating Out With your Toddler blurbpress.ca/2015/08/14/5-t… via WordPress.com

Non-parent: Well, what time do they get up on weekends? Me: Same as every day. Non-parent: Can't you just make them sleep longer, though?

Just what all new parents need—a guide to poop! Trust us, you'll need it. ow.ly/Qi0GX

4 y/o daughter: Daddy, I need to fart out of my vagina again. Me: ...... #dads #parenting

F@#k, I Hate the Beach slogofdad.com/2015/08/24/fk-…

Anyone taken a "vacation" with their children this summer? Remember when vacation meant R&R? slogofdad.com/2015/08/24/fk-… #dads #parenting

Do your kids lie to you? If so, how do you know? What's the best/funniest lie you've heard from your kid(s)? #dads #moms #parenting

ugh parsecs are units of distance DAD