🔥The 9th Round of Easy Loan, Earn $40 Reward is in progress❗️ ⏰ Promotion Period: January 15th - Feburary 15th, 2025 👉 Register now and check more details at gate.io/campaigns/358

Fashion Influencer: Today I’m pairing this $600 sweater with $450 pants, $975 boots, and a handbag worth a small fortune. Me: The sweatshirt I’m wearing is old enough to legally drive.

If it’s raining and someone doesn’t say “It’s a good day to take a nap.” Is it really raining?

Who called it being in love with a doctor and not head over heals?

What’s the pathway to becoming an archeologist? Like if I, at age 47, suddenly decide I want to be an archeologist, how long until I’m holding a torch in a tomb?

molly is my parents’ black lab

Accidentally wore a tie into Applebee’s and now I’m the manager

When I told you I was a catch, what I meant was that I can’t run very fast

You learn a lot about yourself when you leave the house and have to interact with people. For example, I learned I hate leaving the house and having to interact with people.

Holding hands inside the Doritos bag.

This meeting is just 3 emails in a trench coat

Ever since I was little I knew I wanted to retire.

I can do a lot of things but listening to someone chew is not one of them.

Sorry for overreacting, I do that anytime anything mildly different happens

Sorry I'm late, I was trying to convince a bathroom hand dryer that I exist.

people shouldn’t be at the grocery store the same time as me. get out of the way

Flour company: What if we sell it in a paper bag that’s not fully sealed at the bottom?

It’s important to reward yourself for your accomplishments. For example, I spent 10 minutes vacuuming, so now I’m going to sit on the couch with snacks for three hours, watching my favorite shows.

I now understand why my mom didn’t want to stop anywhere on the way home from work.

my husband is looking at jobs and this one through a hiring firm is "withholding the name of the company" for some reason but wants someone familiar with "chocolate technology" who is willing to move to Hershey, PA lmao