🔥The 9th Round of Easy Loan, Earn $40 Reward is in progress❗️ ⏰ Promotion Period: January 15th - Feburary 15th, 2025 👉 Register now and check more details at gate.io/campaigns/358

Could November make a little more effort please?

I deal with stress like an adult: by ordering shit off the tikTok shop instead of going to therapy

Hey restaurant emailing to say you miss me. Lbh, it’s my credit card you miss, isn’t it?

I love being an adult and sitting absolutely still and suddenly I've hurt my neck somehow

20s: jealous watching vacation videos 30s: jealous watching fridge restock videos

Skibidi—and I can’t stress this enough—toilet. - 13yo that’s weirdly great at format jokes

Pineapple for a drink garnish is underrated and I reached the bottom of my glass for tweet inspo

Still thinking about the time shortly after I moved to the east coast, I told my roommate I was looking for my tennis shoes and he said "you never told me you play tennis"

flamingo flaminstay

Wanna get the best sleep of your life? Hit that snooze button.

Parenting: the journey of saying things you never thought you would say. Lately, my daily gem: 'Get your fingers out of your butt!'

My kids are counting down the days until they get their advent calendars and the irony is palpable

my kids' wake-up alarm is my morning dad-sneezes.

I tell guests that our couch is a giant math problem for the kids, we want to see how many loads of clean laundry it will take to cover it completely, it’s educational

At Family Dinner My 11yo: How was your day? My 13yo: fine 11yo: What's your favorite fart... Me: That's rude... Wife: did he mean "favorite part" 13yo: in the hall, early this afternoon... Me: 🤦‍♂️ 13yo: oh. My favorite PART is eating this dinner...

Come find me over where the skies are blue:

It’s time for spirit Halloween to move into X permanently

#RDYes