i don’t go to work to “hustle and grind” i go to chit and chat

for my headache girlies 🥰

i was not built for a 9-5 i was built to rest all day then go to a concert at night

Being smart has never stopped me from being an idiot.

I still don't understand how people my age have children. I am children

pretty girls have poor eyesight & they refuse to wear glasses.

they should let abby lee miller moderate debates on CNN

People who quit soda act like they quit crack

(flirting) what’s up big dawg

The perfect job for me would be the person staining things for detergent commercials.

fluent in yappanese

I should’ve locked in when I was like five and became an Olympian

Two Celsius no breakfast

Certain books have a way of staying with you long after you've finished reading them. The lasting impression of a remarkable story is truly priceless.

i don’t wanna live to see a world without hotdogs.

sorry i’m cranky. i haven’t slept well for the last 27 years

God’s plan for me does not involve LinkedIn at all

can i get a kids menu & a margarita please

Don’t invite me anywhere with a chaotic parking situation.

how am i supposed to dress for a low in the 40s and a high of 81