BREAKING: Miller Lite has traded 30 Miller Lites to my mouth in exchange for piss and texts to my ex (pending physical) #MLBTradeDeadine

Know your gerth king Micah Parsons

Great. It’s Tom Brady’s birthday. Now I have to hear discourse about how rings=good.

I need to Slither-In JK Rowling’s HufflePuff. 50 points house GILFyndor

Going to throw a pocket pussy at the first NBA game

DM’s going crazy this morning!

Happy #MakeMeCumMonday everyone!

Up early this morning just thinking about how eerily similar OBJ and DTom’s primes were

Just got away with doing the 6 7 prank in Walmart 😂😂😂

Us next sydney thomas

Just drafted my fantasy team. Thoughts?

I think it’s awesome that Travis Kelce married Taylor Swift just so he could divorce her and take half her money, but it would’ve been a lot funnier if Taylor Swift never found love and died alone after bitching about dudes she dated for decades

*Cough cough* baby heem

Where is this Brigette Macron photo I need it

If I had a Time Machine I would go back to September 10th, 2001 and warn them about Chris Illitch and Scott Harris

#Tigers ALDS roster moves: - Colt Keith, Brenan Hanifee added. - Justyn-Henry Malloy, Paul Sewald removed.

KERRYS HOMERUN GAVE ME A 3.5 INCH ERECTION. LARGEST OF MY LIFE

Thanks woke Flaherty for ruining our season. GET THE FUCK OFF MY TEAM

Game with my life on the line, I’m taking Hurts over Mahomes (I’m suicidal)