Electricians are cool because they all hate each other’s work. I’ve never heard an electrician say “that last guy did a great job.”

When I moved in to my first flat I bought plastic plates as a lazy easy-clean option. The first three dinners I had, I just licked the plate "clean" in-between meals and ended up with food poisoning. It took at least another four poisonings for me to figure out why.

One of the greatest letdowns іs when you thіnk you’re about to hear ‘Werewolves of London’ but іt’s actually ‘All Summer Long’ by Kid Rock

Dang it Kevin

Dating is so hard when you’re a single parent bc it’s like why tf would I give a man my address to where my child and I live alone? But I’m also not going to their home bc I’ve seen dateline. Like sorry, you’re stuck taking me on 87 dates until we decide to get married.

Those were the days

Hall of Fame boxer Sugar Ray Robinson once backed out of a fight because he had a dream he was going to kill his opponent in the ring. However, after being convinced by a priest, he agreed to fight. He knocked Jimmy Doyle out cold, who was taken to the hospital and pronounced

The 911 calls are very intense.

Hotel towels are so unnecessarily big and fluffy. Can barely get my suitcase closed.

iykyk 😭

Every time I get sea food I always wonder why they keep giving me Ketchup with pulp. I hate pulp dude.

this week would fucking suck

You handled that well. No I didn't. I hid it well. I pushed past it well. I continued life because it doesn't stop and I had shit to do well. People see what you let them. They've got no clue.

A collection of the craziest 9/11 videos that exist. A thread 🧵 1. Video shows a man who worked inside Tower Two realising how fortunate he is to be having a day off.

Waiting on ThatOneVice to join here twitch.tv/jakeopotamusrex

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