My husband was always out drinking to excess with his mates; he came home one evening and passed out on the kitchen floor; I knew this wouldn't be enough to shock him into changing so I undid his pants and then pooped and did a pee on the floor; he was mortified & now sober.

My wife & I are in a petty, silent battle as pertains to the cutlery drawer. With the little spoon tray being a given, I say the order goes knives, forks, spoons. She says forks, knives, spoons. We each keep swapping the knives & forks around, but have never said a word about it.

I mute the family WhatsApp group

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I once hooked up with a guy on Grindr only because I was low on battery and I desperately needed a charge. Worked out great - phone full and hookup was good too.

I follow people on Instagram with the same name as me so I can see who got the better life.

Teacher here. Yes, we can tell you've used ChapGPT because it's crap. Either that, or you have no soul.

Went for one of those 60 minutes relaxing salt water floats. Decided to have a great wank. Spent the remaining time catching my floating spunk to avoid the £1,500 contamination charge. Ended up being really stressful

Adopted a 'failed' police dog who was given up for rehoming. Always been a brilliant addition to the family. Loving, caring, protective. Started to wonder why the cops rejected him. Then we took him to the woods where he saw a squirrel, got scared & ran head-first into a tree.

9 years ago, I went to a restaurant and when the waiter served my food she said 'Enjoy your dinner' I then said 'You too'. Never went to that restaurant again due to embarrassing myself.

I charge the wife's wand in the nightstand on my side of the bed. She thinks this is because it's closer to where we do most of our frolicking. In truth, the soft glow that emits from the drawer while it's plugged in is the perfect amount of night light for when I get up to piss

Bought a long piece of wood from a well known UK DIY shop, strapped it to the roof of my car and drove home, only to realise it wasn't there when I got there. Couldn't find it when retracing my steps and haven't heard of any accidents etc so I hope whoever found it uses it well.

Mid 40s now. Cant be bothered with queues anymore in shops. If they are too long I just walk out without paying.

Sometimes I apply for jobs that I have no interest in, am wildly unqualified for, and/or in industries I know nothing about. I know I'm not going to get far with any of them but it gives me a little ego boost every time I make it even an inch forward in the hiring process.

My wife said she sees me as mysterious and strong because I don't talk a lot and spend a lot of time thinking. Truth is I have really boring thoughts about mondane things and am just an introvert. We've been married 15 years

I love that my young daughter plays with the girl next door, who has diabetes. I know my kid won't come home pumped full of sugar because the parents have to monitor sugar intake militantly.

My husband looks older than his age and whenever we go to the movies I secretly buy his ticket as a senior ticket to save a few bucks. He caught me once and instructed me to buy regular tickets for him - he's not actually senior age yet - but I refuse to waste money.

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My mum died recently. She wasn't a very nice person and never got over World War Two. Absolutely HATED Germans. Really tempted to take her ashes to Berlin to scatter but I'm scared she'll come back and haunt me.

My boyfriend recently came home to find me crying. I had to tell him the kids behaviour had pushed me over the edge because I knew he'd take the piss if I told him it was because I got upset after a Liverpool match interview, because Jurgen Klopp is leaving.