They should do a remake of Donnie Darko where everything is the same except that the teacher says the most beautiful phrase in the history of the English language is "Pancaked by drunk dump truck driver"

Put another dime in the Jukebox Baby? Please don’t. The Jukebox Baby is an abomination

One day we will invent the technology to eat hot dogs indoors

Try That in a Small Town (asking for vinegar with your fries)

So there’s a new movie coming out, goes by the name of Gran Turismo. But here’s what I can’t figure out: Is it based on a true story?

I've been hearing a lot about this new movie Gran Turismo, but I'm still confused about something: Is it based on a true story?

The only thing Idiocracy got wrong was that it would take 500 years

Huh, so how come on Thurs when I asked if you knew of anything going on this weekend you said “Nope, just gonna chill at home” ?

Me: I’m hitting this button because you fed me an annoying ad so many times I simply can’t bear seeing it again X: Seems like the right time to ask you for some money!

"I'd like to watch this 2-hour movie" Streaming: That'll cost you 90 secs of ads every 45 mins "Hmm, I'll watch this 30-min sitcom instead" Streaming: That'll be 3 mins of ads every 5 mins. Plus 3 ads to watch the end-credits scene, fuck you

"For it's root, root, root for the POEM team..." The baseball crowd quiets, processing what I sang. Murmurs build as they begin to understand: lyrics ARE poems. By singing together, we are the real team, the poem team! Tears flow. The game is called on account of enlightenment

A key point missing in a lot of post debate analysis is that Trump’s claim about immigrants eating pets almost perfectly syncs up to the piano in the Peanuts theme song.

Juno Temple robbed

Let me tell you guys about another "Carpenter" who made Christmas special

thinking about drake watching the world series and hearing the big organ play the tune from the song calling him a pedophile

[first night as a waiter and going back to the table because I forgot their order] how many leches was that?

Thrilled to be back in McSweeney’s today with a bit of holiday fun and satire.

Thrilled to be back up in Points in Case with a new piece today. Please review and I'll loop back later for your takeaways pointsincase.com/articles/hey-i…