No cuticle oil company has figured out how to make it with melted butter so I can immediately eat shrimp worry-free. Do I have to think of everything??

I'm having the kind of cramps that make me think women should be paid more than men.

Has cauliflower tried to sneak into desserts yet?

lol this was most days in our monologue meetings. You can see why I’ve been almost clinically depressed since the show went off the air.

My episode of Ghosts airs tomorrow, April 11th!

Alberta (played by the brilliant Danielle Pinnock) hits it off with a poltergeist (@LamorneMorris), who is attached to a new Woodstone Mansion guest (@ImGeoffreyOwens).

Watch on CBS and Paramount+!

I am loving this show! Way to go Aaron and team!

My dogs didn’t feel the earthquake because they have constant gas.

Brooklyn just had a mini earthquake. Or I made a particularly impactful breakfast.

I know it’s Spring when the lining of my winter coat sticks to my moisturized arms.

Was listening to classic rock and my son asked me to turn off the “truck commercial music”

Yo' momma's so stupid she thinks someone else being trans negatively impacts her in some way.

If my dog had a catchphrase it would be, “I came as soon as I heard! What do you need me to eat??”

It’s okay to call it T.J. Marshalls. They’re the same store.

Here is the interaction:

A show I did recently sold tickets, didn’t pay and then tried to charge the performers for the pictures the photographer took at the show.

One like and I will call the producer out