Wow. Albert Brooks changed his name to hide that he is a Jew. I’m going to have rethink all of his movies about his infatuation with his mother

People debate, what’s the final frontier? Is it the vast emptiness of space? Is it the vast emptiness of the oceans? I think it’s ice spice’s gut biome

Boomer version of I listen to everything except for country and rap. Rip tho

Your youngest son has hr energy. He is gay

A lot noise has been made about wom*n roommates syncing up their monthly menstruation, but not enough study has been dedicated to gf’s who have to use the bathroom right now, i just sat down to shit and you have to use the bathroom right now

He moves like Peter griffing

What about the movie Yesterday, but instead of the beatles, some indian guy is the only person in the world that remembers hitler

Baucis and philemon for those who enjoy greek mythology

Poe's Law, Esq: Poe's Lawyer Would you rather be

Unbelievable. Truly impressive. Fake tough guy nihilistic bullshit. In 2025 I will be meditating because of how fucking stupid all of Anthony Bourdain’s other advice is. And by the way, living only for “now” *is* the lifestyle choice of the consumerist stooge

Not a joke: while I was reviewing footage (taken on a dslr) of me holding up my iphone I noticed that my eye blinks synced up perfectly with infrared flashes on my phone, even though the phone was turned away from me

Cum town it’s ok… Bill Simmons is here

The girl with pearl couscous

I have no ass & I must poop

My biggest private anthropological project is figuring out what the fuck is wrong with white flyover Americans’ speech. As my ex put it, they speak like game show hosts. It’s the crooning of a self satisfied nascent meep. I’ve let go of so much, I can’t let go of this

Indian Heraclitus be like “you’ll never poop in the same river twice”

Drake is the only good Mexican

Just think, if the thing you are doing right now could be done in a bathroom, you are probably living your best life

Knight Of Cups was my Black Panther